girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
Everyone is in jail. I'll see what i can do though
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You insisted on calling your mixture of Bacardi & powdered milk "a Jamacian Facial."
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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