you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
