So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
Randomize
