Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
Randomize
