As heartfelt as your proposal was- I will NOT marry for money- especially to someone who still owes me $700. You r officially pathetic!!
i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
No, you can still breathe under the balls.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Some bitch is passed out in a pool of vomit. Fucking lightweight, it's only 8.30.
Oh, wait.. That's you.
Randomize
