It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Selling our snow shovel to buy more beer. Not your brightest idea.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
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