All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
After i finished him. He goes "youre a champion"... Then whispers "forever"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I'm determined to sit on that face.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
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