I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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