My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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