he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Also I've been at work for an hour and I've already been "honey"d "babe"d and "beautiful"d by three separate men. Apparently hungover with yesterdays make up looks good on me.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
Randomize
