thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I don't care how stoned you are, I'm not driving to a different state for a burrito
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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