Eric said he heard us having sex the other night. He said i did a great job.
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
