Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
He was waring a speedo fashioned out of american flag bandanas and when he got hard he said "you're such a patriot...raising the american flag like that"
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
I'm just waiting for the avalanche of beef.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
