You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
Do you think if I explain to her I want to have loud, unprotected sex with her sister she'll understand?
Randomize
