i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
$645 later, she's throwing up in my washroom and asking for a cab. Hooker are soooo much cheaper.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
