after everytime she pucked, she insisted on us all giving her high fives
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
He was with one girl when I went to bed, wad with another when I woke up and now he just told me he was with a 3rd in-between last night and this morning. Jesus Christ.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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