I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
