dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
Is it appropriate to get drunk, stand up at the wedding and make a toast to "the time the lovely bride asked me to come on her chest"?
our generation is not ready to get married
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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