yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
We went to his house and he brought a jar of pickles to bed. I think im in love.
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I'm sorry, our booty call lines closed at 2 am. If you are receiving this message it is our off hours. Please try again between the hours of 12pm and 2 am to reschedule your booty call. Thank you for your cooperation.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
So much rum. So many feels.
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
