I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
Come see our sink grown plant.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Emergency. I brought a boy home and we fell asleep, but I just woke up to him peeing against my bedroom wall. So I brought him to the bathroom but he fell over and he's sleeping in the tub. Can I leave him there? Because that's what I've done.
Better the hardwood than the carpet, right?
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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