Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
she woke up with a sticky ear
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
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