I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The walk of shame is slightly more complicated when you wake up in the wrong country...
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
