i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Everyone was soo nice and genuine.. Then again it coulda just been the drugs.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She was just trying to do dick voodoo. Pretty standard stuff.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
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