is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
high people should be assigned attendants
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Stop selling my mother weed! She's annoying as hell when she's stoned.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
So I'm looking through your google history on your laptop and you have 'is ketchup even remotely nutritious' and 'alcohol with fewest calories but highest alcohol'. What new fad diet are you on because I feel like we could do this together.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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