Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
Oh and yeah that does count as public urination.
It's rum buckets o'clock
I just changed all my morning alarms to wake me up with different Jesse McCartney songs telling me I'm beautiful. Would you believe I'll be 25 this year?
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
