never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
