Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
His roomates just started party boying me. He stood there with the look of horror on his face.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
Randomize
