He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
My mom just walked in on me and my girlfriend about to have sex. All she said was "You're lookin like a fool with your pants on the ground.."
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
The girls said some drunk guy in footie pajamas was asking for me when they opened the doors. I thought we agreed you were gonna stay home and microwave me some bacon.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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