This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Well its official I'm an idiot. I made out hardcore with an employee last night in our banquet room. Oh and got wasted at work. Oh and showed my staff squirrel on a trampoline.
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Just scrubbed my teeth for a good twenty minutes. Herpes is afraid of toothpaste, right?
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I just smoked part of an Oreo cuz I thought it was some hash you left
Randomize
