Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
It's official drugs can't kill me
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
