We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
Dude. I'm super jealous I'm not there. Plus I look really pretty tonight, I'm wearing my long blue dress, I have long blonde hair, and I'm just sitting here hitting Larry the Long Bong. I'll pretend like your 3 spirits are floating in my smoke. Fuck.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
Saying I've had more balls in my mouth than you is the last clear, coherent thing I remember.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Randomize
