i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Who died my cat blue again?
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize