so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Weird come down, just saw a woman on the train go to grab something and realised she had terrifying hands. They literally filled me with dread. I don't think I'm ok.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Fuck you know you drunk when you start signing the Masson impossjvke song to entourage yourself to pee
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Randomize
