Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
have you facebook stalked him yet?
No, I don’t know his last name...
Just google his license plate numb
i really wish my pants would only unzip when im sober
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
I'll do whatever I want when I'm 80.
If you are still alive at 80 I demand a medical explanation.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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