worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
Randomize
