I totally give up. Optimus Prime just fell from the top of the Great Pyramid into the hypostyle hall at Karnak.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
She pulled a wad of lint out of my bellybutton while she was blowing me. Said she's never seen anything like it. I've never gone soft so fast.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
