guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
I asked about his 3 inch scar on his chest. It's from when he had to castrate a bull on the estancia. Apparently this is how good bull meat is made.
Just saw a drunk guy clapping and cheering for a chipmunk climbing up a tree. Classic
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
