Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
