I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
so whenever I text yeah my phone automatically corrects it to yeahhhheeehhyeahyeahh .. too much party in the USA?
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
You know we had a good night last night when today I opened up my Google Translate application and the language is set to Persian and the phrase to translate is "I want you to suck my dick".
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
There something liberating about walking through the dorm hallways without pants on.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
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