Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
Have I told you recently that I love you, if for no other reason than you make my irresponsible substance abuse look tame by comparison?
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
I AHVE A WINE BUCKETTTTTTT
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
