ur plase or mine? lol
well if you don't learn how to spell, you may be at your place and I'll be at mine.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
Drunk me thinks I can light up a cig anywhere, sober me finds this hilarious and highly irresponsible. The grocery store is not a bar.
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
What are your plans?
Get picked up. Convince you to leave work. Smoke. Drink. Fly helicopters.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
I brought her cheeseburgers and tequila but she's still mad at me.
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
Randomize
