marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
Stoned at DSW. SO MANY SHOES! THEY'RE FREAKING ME OUT.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
I need to leave my mind and my stupid vagina are having fight over who's right
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Randomize
