who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Randomize
