i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
Randomize
