I just pynch a tree in the face
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
She danced with a broom while telling me I was "cool as shit" and she "wishes she could take a portion of my big ass and attach it to hers" then she passed out
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
never planned on seeing last weekend's one night stand again, much less be on the same plane as him..
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
Randomize
