i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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