i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
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