Girls gone wild is like the hills, except sexy and it doesnt suck
my underwear are soaked with white zifandel yet i have continued to wear them despite the fact im at home
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
Randomize
