I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
i've created a new STD.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
