i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
For future reference. Do not congratulate the bar tender at oscars she is not pregnant she has just gotten fat u will get a shot thrown in your face
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
